It may be Valentine’s season, but don’t let the holiday overshadow serious red flags. If you have been experiencing any of these signs of a toxic/abusive relationship with your significant other, you need to get out immediately.

I have seen on social media people glorifying these signs saying if he doesn’t control what you wear or who you talk to, he doesn’t really care. Yes, there should be some compromises, such as not talking to your ex of 3 years if it makes the person uncomfortable. However, your partner SHOULD NOT be deciding whether or not you can talk to the opposite gender in general. They also should not be leaving you feeling unhappy or like you’re doing something wrong.

1.) Feeling Drained– A significant other should not leave you feeling physically and emotionally drained just from hanging out. If just being around them leaves you with an unhealthy or unpleasant feeling, this may be a warning sign of a toxic relationship.

2.) Lack of Trust– If your partner is lying to you or constantly questioning your loyalty, it means that they are trying to control your actions and responses while simultaneously not giving you the same kind of feedback.

3.) Controlling – If your partner is constantly calling or texting you and demanding to know what you’re doing or what you’re talking about, or telling you what you can and cannot do, or complaining if you can’t hang out/talk, they are trying to manipulate you. This is one of the hardest signs to recognize, but if the people around you begin to see this happening in your relationship, listen to them. This is how they obtain their power.

4.) Hostility– Fights in a relationship are inevitable. However, if a partner is always picking fights or finding reasons to be upset with you, they are a toxic person.

5.)  Feeling of worthlessness– Relationships should be ways to build you up in confidence. A significant other should not bring you down; they should not always have something to complain about.

6.) Unhappy- If one or both parties in a relationship are unhappy, it is bound to become toxic over time.

7.) One sided– If you feel that you are giving your all in your relationship and you’re getting little to nothing back in return, it is probably time to either have a long conversation with your partner or just leave.

8.) Self Harm Threats– If they ever use a suicide threat to manipulate your actions, get out. They can do this to win an argument, to control your actions, or to get you to stay in the relationship. Even if they are not directly saying “If you don’t do this, I’m going to kill myself,” if suicide always comes up right after you do or say something they didn’t necessarily approve of, they are controlling you. Do not be afraid of this threat; there is a very small chance that they will actually follow through, but even on the off-chance they do, it is not your fault. Get out of the relationship.

9.) Fear– Relationships should not be filled with constant negativity. You should not be walking on egg shells to prevent fighting and you should not be feeling a sense of anxiety before you meet up; if you are afraid of them, you need to get out.

10.) Physical Abuse– If your loved one has ever placed a hand on you in a hostile way, they DO NOT love you. No matter how much they tell you they do and how they will change, DO NOT BELIEVE THEM. If they hit you once, they will hit you again, even if it’s not right away.

So, guys and gals if you have been put through this by the one you love, PLEASE take off your rose colored glasses and face reality. This person may say that they love you, but if they REALLY loved you, they wouldn’t treat you like this. Talk to your friends or your parents, or an adult you trust. If they threaten self-harm, call the police and let them handle it because they cannot put it all on you and expect it to be your problem. If they physically hurt you, call the police. Take any measures necessary to get out of this relationship.

Sources: Inc.com