2017 sucked. I don’t know about your 2017, but mine was full of heartbreak, depression, goodbyes, trouble with the law, self discovery, and embarrassment. I had high hopes for 2017, I thought it was going to be my year. I was going to see my favorite band of all time – which happens to be The 1975, I had amazing friends, my parents were finally trusting me and letting me go out. But, I was wrong, I was SOOO completely WRONG!!!

My junior year (2016-2017) I acquired a male friend whom I became extremely close with. He was the first person to ever come over, meet my parents and not run away screaming. We understood each other, we had similar childhoods and I felt like I could be myself around him.  I’m going to be honest, when I first approached him it was not for a friendship, but of course with my luck he had a girlfriend and get this, THEY LIVED WITH EACH OTHER! So I tried to avoid him but he was a bit persistent, so I just got over my attraction toward him and we became fast friends – we were even making plans to move in with each other after I graduate. There is a high possibility that if I’ve ever had a class with you, or if we were ever “friends” I was probably acting like someone I thought you would like, I was not myself.  March of 2017 rolled around and I found out that he was going to be moving to a different state. So, on his last day in Tucson I skipped tennis practice to hangout with him – but we had to hangout at school because my parents had a tracking device on my phone and were constantly using it. It was amazing – we laid under a tree and just talked about everything and nothing. While laying down under that tree he told me how he broke up with his girlfriend, how he has liked me for a long time, and pretty lies, such pretty pretty lies. He was the first person to break my heart. We weren’t in a romantic relationship but he was the closest that I’ve ever gotten to a guy outside from my brother. I liked him so much, I would’ve done anything for this guy and in return he gave me false hopes.

Also during this treacherous year, after getting my heart crushed, I turned to this girl.  I thought that she was so beautiful, sweet, down to earth, and funny as hell. We got a bit serious but whenever I kissed her, I thought of that jerk who left and lied to me. While this wonderful human being is hyping me up to her friends and family I’m thinking about someone else, it just wasn’t fair to her. So I had to end it. I was going to get back with her after I got over this guy, but it was too late.

I wanted to feel beautiful, I wanted other people to think that I was beautiful.  I would post provocative pictures on my finsta for attention. But, that didn’t happen, all that happened was my pictures being passed around, and my parents eventually finding out. I lost all their respect and trust.  My lovely parents found out that I snuck a guy into the house while everyone was home. Just think about how embarrassing that is and multiply it by 10. The things that went down were extremely and TRULY embarrassing, it scarred me for life. Not only did I lose respect and trust from my parents but also from my sister’s parents – they stopped allowing her to spend the night because they couldn’t trust me. I barely got to see her.

While this whole thing was happening the most important guy in my life left. I had to say goodbye to my freedom, my respect, my childhood, my heart-breaker, and now my oldest brother – whom I love so much.

After finding out about this finsta, tension began to build between my parents and I. Not only did I post about my love-interests, I talked trash about my parents. My mom and I ended up getting physical and the cops were called. The arresting cop took me to a mental hospital because my mom told him that I have anger issues and crippling depression – at least she was right about one thing. Not only did I get arrested but I was sent to a mental hospital!! I got charged with domestic violence and assault.

Oh and if you don’t think my year could be any worse, throw in a torn ACL, ACL surgery, giving myself ugly messed up bangs, and a STUPID tattoo.

Yes, 2017 sucked but everything that happened helped me in some way; it helped me grow and see the world for what it is. It helped me find myself. I stopped caring about how people perceive me. I also stopped caring about people romantically. I want to focus on myself for a while. Hopefully 2018 will be kinder to me, or hopefully I can STOP making stupid decisions.